Vegetarian Food Application…?

Facebook is a great tool that has helped Internet Private Investigators such as myself find out vital information like whether the head cheerleader got fat, or if Danny ever outgrew the “awkward phase”.

It’s fun! You don’t have to wait for those uncomfortable high school reunions that you were probably going to blow off anyway to find out what happened to everyone.

Yes, he got fat. Wow, she found someone to marry her? Damn, is that even him? When did he get hot? I can’t believe she wore that at her wedding. He actually… graduated from college… and got a job?! So that’s what she looks like when she’s not strung out. Crazy.

It also helped me reconnect with a lot of old friends that I never thought I would get a second chance with; you know, the ones with whom we sadly lost touch. You forgot to call. They didn’t email. Etc.

Then came the advent of the Facebook Application.

On that day, my life as a happy Facebook-er ended. On that day 99.9% of Facebook notifications became meaningless. It’s become so bad that there are now FACEBOOK APPLICATIONS that tell other people that you ARE NOT INTERESTED IN FACEBOOK APPLICATIONS. They’re everywhere, and they cannot be escaped. I will not lie and say I don’t use any; I have the Washington Redskins Fan application and a few others. Nothing too substantial.

A majority of the applications, however, are ridiculous.

No, I don’t want an ugly plant baby as a gift to grow in my virtual garden. No, I don’t want to be your Vegan Partner in Crime. No, I don’t care how compatible our ethnic heritage is. No, you cannot OWN me. And I definitely don’t want to know what Britney Spears song I am, and I don’t care what song you are either!

What I don’t get is how people don’t realize how obnoxious these applications are. And don’t even get me started on “poking”. Seriously, it’s about as effective as winking at someone on Match.com.

I really wish I could yell at kids to get off my virtual Facebook lawn. And the next application they throw through my window, I’m keeping.

Damn, kids and their “Mob Wars”. I miss the good ol’ days.

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